SPEAKER_00 0:01

Okay, I'm starting this. It's uh July 11th, 2023. This is season one, episode seven of Hero or Dick. This is KJ and Kate. And it's another beautiful day here on the 45th parallel. Wait. We're not right on the 45th, are we? Pretty close.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

We're close enough.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Yeah. I like that. It makes no sense because everyone's on a degree of something. But it just seems dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Well, it's halfway in between.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

We have signs.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

And we have a sign. So do other people have the sign? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

And you know, my dad always told me when we were driving through squaw.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

Oh, that's birdsong bay. Birdsong bay. It's not squat. Which sounds better than squaw bay anyway. It does.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Squaw bay, bird song bay. Anyway, when we're driving along, there's kids who always say that you have to lift your feet when you're going over there because it's good luck. And so I was doing that even up until the point I was driving. Dating Brooke, and we got married, and I would do it. She's like, What are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:01

Like, it's good luck. You don't want to break your mother's back or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Right. But anyway, 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

This is one thing I remember your dad saying to him, totally off topic. Your dad telling you kids that um the bank that's called the MBD.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

One of you three must have asked what it stood for, and he said, No big deposits. Yes. That's why we come here.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Oh, yeah. He had some good ones.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

I like that one. I always remembered it.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

He would take, we'd go riding uh back the cement plant, you know. Misery bay road. That's where I got a lot of good story ideas. But anyway, I remember uh there was a sign that said bump ahead. And he said, You know what that sign means, don't you? And he bump you in the head, bump in the head as you're driving. Bump ahead. Yeah, bump ahead. Good old dad jokes.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Okay, my sister and I used to do the bump dance when we saw that sign in the car. It's not easy, but we did it. So, what's our topic today? Um, Julio Iglesias. Oh, okay. I am totally unprepared then.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Uh Julio popped into your head then.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Good old Leslie.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

Leslie.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Leslie.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Leslie, aka Bob Hope.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Bob Hope. Les Leslie Towns Hope. Right?

SPEAKER_03 2:15

Yeah. Yeah, he's a Leslie.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

And he was born born in England. Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Yeah, he does. He lost the British accent, didn't he? Well, he moved when he was four. So that would be explain that.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Yeah, I mean, you can go ahead and rip through some of the early stuff if you want.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

Well, I didn't write down too much early stuff. I mean, he um, like we said, born in the UK and then moved to US because his dad was just looking to better himself. I don't think he ever did.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

No, they ended up in Cleveland, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Uh in the end, yeah. And then um the first fact that I thought was interesting that I didn't know was that he was the amateur boxer.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Yeah, I heard that too. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Not for long. No, because he wasn't very good.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Oh he didn't strike me as a boxer. But you know, you don't know what people do.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

You don't know. Maybe. Um, it could have worked out for him. It did not.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

He started his career as a dancer in a comedian. In the vaudeville vaudeville shows.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Uh that's how old he was. Yeah. He was old when he died, too. We can get to that later.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

They actually talk about that, they whoever they are, but they're in you know, our research about how he was the only comedian basically that saw the different eras from vaudeville all the way to and think how it changed from early 20s till he died, which was I don't know, a hundred years later.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

What over two thousand.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

It got to the point where he didn't change, and so it's like, you know, no the fart joke stuff.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

I think you know, and you know what? I don't know. If you're a hundred years old, no, you're not gonna change.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

No, why would you?

SPEAKER_03 3:56

And he still thought in the end, you know, he was still that same person. He he really didn't change, for good or bad. Mostly for bad by then.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

Well, but in his early years, he was, you know, the hot comedian, and then he got into movies, and I think in 1938 is where he first sang his signature hit. Do you want to sing a song?

SPEAKER_00 4:22

I don't, you can sing it.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

I don't want to sing it, but I will say it. Thanks for the memories.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Thanks for the memories. See, everybody knows it from him.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Um when he started, there wasn't even really well, there was radio.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Yep. The Intimate Review was his first radio appearance, 1930.

SPEAKER_03 4:41

In the 30s, so and then he got an offer. I thought this was interesting. He did get an offer for a radio show by the sponsor Pepsodent. And he refused until they agreed to stop selling to the Nazis. Now, I don't have the receipt to back that up. Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

But did they pay him in Pepsodent?

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Uh I hope not. No. I think he made bank on everything he did. I don't know if it was he who was a good businessman or he had a good business manager. Um, but he made it, he was quite wealthy. Not then yet, but he was well on his way.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

He was mining his P's and Q's, perhaps.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

Yeah. While swinging around his D. Oh my gosh, the guy was a whore.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

He really was. And you wouldn't think that.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

You would never think that.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

You look at Bob Hope and you're like, even when he was younger, you're like, really?

SPEAKER_03 5:41

What? I don't know. Well, and then the uh another thing was that he got in a horrible accident, and he actually had plastic surgery. It's like, that's what you came up with after the plastic surgery. Wait, when was the accident? It was like in the 40s. Was it a boxing accident? No, it wasn't, but it should have been. He really only had like five or six official boxing um matches. But no, it was something to do with he was trying to make extra money. So it was a side hustle. It was uh he and I think his brothers were um working on a on a utility crew and a tree fell on him. What? Yeah. It's true. Okay. I read it on the internet, so it's gotta be true. It must be true.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Is that the same internet that now features our podcast on Google?

SPEAKER_03 6:31

It is on Google. Plug, plug, plug. Right by Jason Bateman's. Oh, good old Jason.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Did he uh give you any notes for this podcast?

SPEAKER_03 6:40

Maybe next week.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah. Well, you know what? Sorry, side, sidebar. Brooke and I watched The Identity Thief. Oh my Christ. Jason Bateman. Oh my lord. That is hilarious. Uh huh. How that guy could be so funny. He's Deadpan, but he's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Yeah, he's the Deadpan man.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yeah. You think he did any box boxing?

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Uh-oh, maybe, maybe box Babo. No.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Babo, maybe. Maybe he has a pest.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

He did start when he was. Well, we'll we'll talk about this. Bateman?

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Little House on the Prairie.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Yeah, he started very young, didn't he?

SPEAKER_00 7:11

He did. Yep. In Silverspoons. And then he was in the spin-off, which was the Hogan family.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Yes, yes. Alright, maybe he's our next.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

No.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

No, not yet.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Not till he shows up.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

Not until he calls us. So anyway, Bob Hope. Remember that guy?

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Yep, Julio Iglesias.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

Yeah, so uh what else? So anyway, he had plastic surgery. And that's what he ended up with. And it did hit him in the face. So I he had his face. So that nose were they out of noses that day? So they're like, we'll just pop this one on and it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

They found it. I wonder what kind of insurance he had.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

Uh probably none. None. The other uh he was accused of stealing jokes from other comedians and magazines.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Well, aren't artists that's the biggest form of flattery. Right?

SPEAKER_03 8:04

You steal your material. But if you're supposed to put your own spin on it, too, I think, to make it your own. Yeah, but you know what I'm not like.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

I'm not saying I'm yes, I am. I'm not a big Bob Hope fan. It's not like I go.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

No, I don't think anybody is, I think. I don't think so. No, nobody has a shrine to him in their house like they do for Leo Glacier.

unknown 8:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Yeah. But and that was one thing too. I was trying to find out other comics that had him on their list of of greatest comics. Yeah, and he's not. Which is I think he's kind of like the old standby reliable.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

He's the filler.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

He's the G.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

He's the filler. Right. He isn't your favorite, but he's always there.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

Yeah. He's good there for good knee slapping.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Um, very successful. Lots of appearances.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Right. Um he did quantity over quality.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Yeah, I don't think he turned away a job.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

No, no.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

And him and Bing Crosby were pals.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

Well, they were, then they weren't. They were frenemies.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Yeah. Well, you know, there's kind of a different Bing Crosby, you know.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

It's like, oh he's kind of a dick, too. Oh. Well, I don't know if I started getting going down the Bing Crosby path. Yeah, Bing Crosby. Fuck. He's not a good guy. No. And he came off as such a, you know, man of the time. He's a family man. He's a crooner. Here, let me beat you. Yeah. You children. Yeah, he wasn't a nice guy. So maybe he was really hard to get along with, too. But they did make a lot of movies together.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

And so should we talk about Bob's womanizing?

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Well, I mean, that'd be a whole podcast unto itself.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

God, that guy's a horn.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

That guy got so much tail. I mean, like you said, money.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Money, power. Can you get me in the movies? And humor, yeah. If you ask women what is attractive over anything, they're gonna say a sense of humor. But yeah, what a what a womanizer. I mean, one affair he had for 30 years.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

That's a long one.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Um, then another one he was in a movie with Ethel Merman and he was hot on her. I mean, she's hot, there's no doubt.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Ethel Merman, isn't that the cat from Garfield?

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Ethel Merman?

SPEAKER_00 10:19

What's the name of the cat in Garfield again?

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Oh, I think it's normal.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Normal, sorry.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

Not even close. No. Uh I did find out too that there was a a movie made in 2020 that's called Miss Behavior, and it follows the 1970 Miss World uh contest that Bob Holman always posted, and that in 1970 there were protests because you know that's the height of women's lips.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

He's like, get back in the kitchen.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

I have not watched it, but I do have it on my list now. I never even heard of it.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Neither did I.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

And who was in it? Somebody like Greg Kinneer. Not Jason Bateman. Greg Kneer. Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

I like that guy.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

He's alright. Yeah. I got nothing against him.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

No mustache on that guy.

SPEAKER_03 11:05

Um one thing.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

No. No. Yeah. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Hold your mustaches to look at. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Okay. No mustache.

SPEAKER_03 11:13

Um so the USO tours, you know, he did do all of those. And okay, you give him credit for that. But then I found out he got paid for a lot of them. Oh. So it wasn't like he was doing charity. And um so NBC, I think, was the channel, and they would tape his Christmas specials, pay him, and they'd run it, you know, in January or whenever. So, yeah, nice of you to do that, but here's a big paycheck. Well, you know, that kind of takes away the nicety of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

You know that okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

That's interesting. Because then uh he, you know, you had the the many wars that he was part of.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

He was uh well, there was a lot of wars in between the 30s and 2000s.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

And he was Mr. Patriotic, which is great, good, you should be. And then uh the the the some of the issues are came about with the Vietnam War, and he was like blind to the fact that there were reasons perhaps we weren't supposed to be there because he was too busy with his nose up Nixon's ass. You know, he was really and the chorus girls, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

So because he was still fucking around then, even as an old dude.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

So, you know, there was he kind of started to lose favor with some of the public anyway. But he did he did support the troops, got paid for it, he did do it, he did do it.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Um and didn't he get like yeah, Medal of Merit from Truman because he actually served in the war a whole bunch of awards and accolades.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Um, yeah. And I was surprised that um so when I went looking for some bad about him, um there wasn't the womanizing was the big thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

It was.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

I mean, I know that, and I don't know where I saw it, but I know I read somewhere that he bought property of Japanese internment people, or he didn't buy it off of them, he just acquired it from whoever was selling it, not the people in the internment camp. But you know, when I went back to find that, I can't find it anywhere. So I think it was just uh urban legend.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

Could have been.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

Or, I mean, anybody listening, Cassidy, if you can find information on that, I mean, and and prove me wrong, but I couldn't find anything.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

I try to dig for the garbage on people because that's what seems you know, all fans seem to love that. And um, I couldn't find anything. Actually, I thought, man, that guy with the real estate dealings and the things that he and the people he ran with, you think there might be some.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

And there was a couple real estate things where he tried to buy something and um it was part of a national park in California, and so some people, you know, went to court and fought him on it. But I honestly he was I don't even know if he knew he was buying it. Well, his investment firm was probably buying it, or it's not like he was because I think that was ran by his brother and right and you know I he seems pretty straight in that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

It's not like he was uh building uh hotels in New York and uh not paying his people after the completion.

SPEAKER_04 14:19

Who does that?

SPEAKER_00 14:20

You can run for president though if you do that.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Yeah, you can. You can win. Yep. Ugh, hopefully only once. So but the good part that I did find out about him, which I never knew about Bob Hope. We're talking new. Uh in uh '63, he was at the Washington Monument. He did say, I'm in support of Negroes books.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

Um, but he was there still. And this one really impressed me. In 1969, he did his annual NBC Christmas special in drag, in tribute to what he calls the Brothers and Sisters of Stonewall. Because that's, you know, the big that's where the gay, the first gay protest was in Stonewall in New York. So he was I did not know. He was um he did it in drag. His special guest was Babby Seal of the Um You know, the Black Panthers.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

No shit.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

I don't know. That must have been a separate segment.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

So Bob was more hip than we give him credit for.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

He was, and he was more supportive of things that weren't you would that weren't traditional.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

You know, the and that doesn't tie in with the womanizing thing because you know why I think. This is my opinion about guys that get a lot of extra they do bad things with women. Is because they um don't hold them in very high regard. They think 'em think of as an object, something to attain, you know. So I can see there's kind of a dichotomy there where he is supportive of um whatever gays and we he wouldn't call it all the letters that we have today. No, he would not. And then um African Americans, which that's really cool, but in the same time, he's using women. Yeah, you know, it's just interesting.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Yeah, and um and his wife Dolores Dolores, you know, I think again that era, I think men thought it was okay to have a wife at home raising the kids. That's home, that's separate. When I'm out on the road or when I'm, you know, not with her, then I can be with her own, yeah. But I can be with other people. That's fine.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

And she was aware of it, apparently.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Um, here's our special guest.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

What's that? A special guest?

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Hi, Jenna. Special guest. Can you hang on a second?

unknown 16:44

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

All right, I'm I'm gonna put you on speaker though. Just beware.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Hi, Jenna.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

All right, so we're just right kind of wrapping up, Bob. Bob. Bob Hope.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Did you have a you have a verdict yet?

SPEAKER_03 16:59

Uh no, we don't. So bear with us for like five minutes. We're just getting to the to the end of Bob Hope. Bob Hope.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

You know, I should probably introduce myself to uh your fans.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Yes, please do.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

I'm Jenna, and Kate is my mother.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

Oh, is that how we're related? That's why you're special guest. We were gonna pass you off as somebody famous.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

She's famous. She's on the show.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Oh, I'll dropped. That's what you get for it.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

She'll call back. Well, it's probably hard to get through. There's so many people calling right now.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

Yes, the lines are tied up, Jenna. She'll call back.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Um, so anyway, Dolores apparently knew about a lot of this stuff.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

She knew about everything.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

But and they asked her why did you stay with him?

SPEAKER_03 17:47

She's like, you know, again, in that in that um time, women didn't have a lot of options. It's not like she can leave and still make, you know, millions of dollars and support the lifestyle that she and her children are used to.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Yeah, be careful if you're a dude now.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

And now because why?

SPEAKER_00 18:05

I don't know, like Brooke. She's successful, she's pretty, she can leave at any moment. She can be gone.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Hey Jenna, hang with us. Don't hang up on us this time.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Yeah. Jeez.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

Okay, so uh we covered real estate.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Well, we're finishing up how Bob is a whore.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

Bob's the whore.

unknown 18:25

Bob whore.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Bob whore, yes. Bob whore.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

So uh Well, he did, you know, he hosted the uh Academy Awards 19 times.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Wow, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

That's a record.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Is that a record?

SPEAKER_00 18:37

That's to say. And your favorite Queen Elizabeth knighted him. Did you know that?

SPEAKER_03 18:41

She probably whored around with her.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Well, probably. He was banging her and got knighted. Lucky bastard. Yeah, one of her kids has got that nose. But and his quick wit, you know. But he uh it was for his uh contributions to the USO tours.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

Yeah, and you can't take that away from him.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Nope.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

And even though he was cocky, kind of overconfident, and uh towards the end of his life, he was kind of out of touch with some things. But you know, what old man is it?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah, he did receive um the Congressional Gold Medal. He was only one of five people to have received both the Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Wow, so that's something right there. This this impressed me even more, though. He amassed 10,000 acres of California prime real estate in his lifetime.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

He's a mogul.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

That's a lot. That that definitely makes you a mogul.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah. So he had his Bob Hope classic. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

He did love golf. Yeah, you should. I guess if you're mentioning Bob, you should mention golf. And Jason Bateman loves golf. Does he love golf? Oh, golf's almost everywhere. It all goes back to Jason. All right. So what else do we want to say about Bob? I think we covered it all. Oh, you know. Except your verdict.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Yeah, I mean.

SPEAKER_03 20:01

So here's what I say. I guess I give him a half hero, which is the first time I've ever done that. Because he's not always the person portrayed on screen or in public. And he was definitely a dick to his wife in that he dicked around with other wives. But maybe she didn't care. Maybe she's like, fine, go on the road. I don't care. Get out of the house. I don't really like it anyway.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Yeah, she just wants to move.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

Go golfing. That's right. So um she was kind of addicted. I mean, understandable. So yeah, I'm gonna give him half dick status.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Half dick.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Limped.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Half erect.

SPEAKER_03 20:41

That does sound bad, like a limp dick. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

This is a family show.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Well, my family's here. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

And my kids will listen anyway.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

Well, and what did you say? They they know what it's you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

I don't know. I gotta start rethinking why people are heroes. Because the things that he did, yeah, they're great, but you know what? He was just the driven businessman who was focused. It's not like he, I mean, yeah, USO tours, but he was paid for some of that. He was. What did he do that was really heroic?

SPEAKER_02 21:10

You know, real estate. No, but I love that, and I'm glad you mentioned that because I've been thinking about that too. It's like, you know, terrible people can do pretty awesome things. Yeah, it doesn't mean that's true.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

That's true. So, but does that make them uh uh a hero? Because even though they're terrible, they do good things. Yeah, I don't know. Then they're kind of in between. Yeah, we need an in-between name for a hero dick.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Do we though? No, we don't.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

We could human.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

Yeah, uh we're all they're all human. I don't know. I guess he wasn't really a dick either, so I'll give him the old half and half to okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

I mean, in my gut, I'd say dick, but we'll we'll give if I was married to him, I would say dick. But then like, like you said, maybe she wanted him out of the house. Maybe she was like, I am fine with you screwing around, just don't come to me. Yeah, they did adopt all. Their children. So maybe they never even had sex. Maybe that's why he was out and about. Whole new theory, right there.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

If he had an affair for is her volume up enough so that we can want to make sure that. Yeah, okay. But anyway, um that affair at Wonderfray said was 30 years long. Yeah. Maybe that was his true love.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Oh, I think it did say in one of them that, yeah, he considered that his true love. So wrapping up, Bob Hope.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

I'll say he's a dick. Yeah, and we have to keep in mind to the audience out there, of course, and we have a crowd outside the window again. Hi, everybody. That's um, I think it's because the donut shop's closed across the street. Is that um, you know, it's based on our research of whatever. Oh, right. Like we're through. All right. No science here.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

We are not the autobiography.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I don't want all the Bob Hope groupies to come because there's so many. Burning crosses on my lawn or whatever they're gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

I think they're all dead, any groupies he had. Maybe. So now for our fast five, this is gonna be fun because we all have fast five per Jenna. Jenna, why don't you tell us about the fast five?

SPEAKER_02 23:09

All right, so for the fast five lightning round. You guys need to be five.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

We do need sound effects. We do.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

All right, so we are our theme this week is all mustached individuals.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

I love it. And that is Jenna's uh idea, too. We will give it to you because that was a great idea. And so how do you want to do it? Do you want to go number one and we all do number one, or do you want to do all five of yours?

SPEAKER_02 23:38

I kind of think it'd be fun if I did all five of mine at once.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

Okay, and then we'll see who overlaps. So because you are a special guest star, Jenna, you may go first.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Thank you. I'm so excited. All right, so my first so I was like, I don't know how to choose because I started choosing and then I realized I just picked people with mustaches that I wanted to talk about. So I tried to mix it up a little. Okay. Um so my first one, my like kind of the lamest one, but I was like, you know, this would be interesting to talk about is uh Charlie Chaplin.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

He was uh keep going with dick, but I'd have to do some more research.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

Um I think like many people, most people, he did some dick things, but I think overall he was a hero because of what he did for uh movies for one thing, and just that one movie, the dictator that he took out another mustached guy, the Hitler guy.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

So what do you think of uh KJ? What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 24:39

From what I know, I would say hero. I mean the film, what he did for the whole industry, and then yeah, the uh commentary on Hitler.

SPEAKER_03 24:49

So and you what why do you think a dick, Jenna?

SPEAKER_02 24:53

Hmm. Well, I don't know. I guess I'm basing this off of stuff I've heard about how he treats his wives.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Oh, yeah. I can. Well, here's the thing. You know, those men to just be kind to women. I think that's the good part.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Most most of the dicks are men. You know, and the women I mean they gotta put up with the shit. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 25:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

All right, lightning rounds. My number two is um my number two is Pedro Pascal.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

I don't know who that is right off the top of my head.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Oh my gosh. KJ, do you know?

SPEAKER_03 25:32

He's Googling.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

I have a no, I have a I have a Pedro. So he's an the actor who stars in um The Mandalorian Star Wars movie. He also stars in um The Last of Us and I did not know that was his name, but I know I got a visual now.

SPEAKER_03 25:49

He's definitely not a dick, he's just awesome and has a mustache and a lot of top. Well, he's Star Wars related, so I know you guys like him.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

But I don't mean an actor, which is awesome because he does a lot for like representation of Hispanic people in media and all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

Okay, we'll give him heroes.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

I just wanted to give him a shout out.

SPEAKER_03 26:07

And we did. Hey Pedro, what's his last name? Pascal. Pascal. Pascal. Plus, he's got that great name.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Pascal or Pedro? Both both. They're both great. Pee-pee.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

He's got the alliteration. Yeah. Pee-pee. Pee-pee. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

What's your number three? Number three is the villain from Frosty the Snowman.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Oh, good call. And we all know what he is. Hero! Fuck Frosty. You know, I'm not a Frosty fan, as Jenna would know. I don't like Frosty First. Well, he's just an idiot, you know. Wait, Frosty or the villain? Frosty. Right? Frosty. But um the villain, I don't know his name, but he has a great mustache. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

He does have a great mustache. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

Is he a hero or a villain? Or hero or dick?

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Well, I'll say dick, but are you?

SPEAKER_03 27:04

I say he's a misunderstood dick.

unknown 27:07

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 27:07

Yeah. We don't know. That would be a good uh movie, is let's hear it from his side. The story from his side. I bet it's a different perspective.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

That's a really good idea.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

You know, he's just trying to make a living, and here comes this idiot snowman. Happy birthday! Yeah, everybody. Happy birthday. Uh all right. Was that number four? Three. Number three. Oh, okay. What's number four?

SPEAKER_02 27:33

I say hero because I find children in that one annoying, so I couldn't keep them.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

They are annoying. Their heads are so big. Yeah. Okay.

unknown 27:42

All right.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

Um, number four is Salvador Dolly, the painter.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

I have him on my list, and I have him as number four. And he might be the best mustache in the world, really.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

He's pretty rad. I chose hero for him because um of his artwork and that kind of thing. And um I think he's odd, but that doesn't make him a dick.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

Uh true. Um, I just I just like him because he because he isn't the same person as like Bob Hope tried to you know conform to what you wanted him to be. Right. And Salvador Dali was like, here's what I am.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Take it or leave it.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

You take it or leave it.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Look at my beautiful stash.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

Look at my stash. Plus, he took a mean picture.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

So, Jenny, you say hero, I say hero. What do you say? Hero. Hero all around.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

All right. So my number five is now I chose this one because I also kind of wanted to just mention it. Um, but my person is Free to Collow. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

I had her on my I had her on my backup list.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Yes, awesome.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

Yep. I well, of course, we think I think she's a hero.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

A hero because she Because she has a mustache, for one thing. And she wears it proudly, eyebrows proudly. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

And I'll paint a picture of myself wearing a mustache and eyebrows. Dare you to say bad about me. So, yeah, she's definitely a hero. I will check her off on my extra list.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Very good list. I like that.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Excellent list. Came up with ones. I thought we would have all the same because I bet. Um, well, go ahead. Can you do yours? All of them? Well, what's your number one?

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Frank Zappa.

SPEAKER_03 29:35

Oh, he does have a mustache.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

You know, one of my favorite things about Frank Zappa is that at um oh god, I forget the name of Latitudes, the bar over there. I don't go there anymore. Can't, you know. But in the bathroom, the men's bathroom, there's a photo, a famous photo of Frank Zappa on the toilet.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

Oh, I know that. I'm just kidding. I know the picture, but not from that. From that restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

I've been there so many times. I him and I bonded many times. Frank Zappa staggering in there, swaying in front of the toilet, and that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

You know, I'm gonna call him out though, too, because he could kind of be a dick. Um, I think his music was certainly inventive, and he was inventive, but I think he really worked his people till that it made it not fun anymore.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Yeah, and I think he thought he was really smarter than he's like, I'm smart. Yes. Look at me, I'm smart.

SPEAKER_03 30:33

Well, the the other thing about Frank is that he was ITK. Should have been. He was, I think he would have been if he could have lived longer, I think he would have gone into politics, and I think he would have been a great politician because of the way his brain worked. But again, I think uh in musician or musically, you know, I I know he worked his people so hard, they were just like, this isn't even fun.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Right.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

This is work.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

So you're saying dick.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Well, no, I'm saying that's a dick move, but overall, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Overall a dick?

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Over no, overall a hero. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:07

Jenna, what do you think?

SPEAKER_03 31:10

What's your verdict on Frank?

unknown 31:12

Jenna?

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Frank is hero. Hero. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Yeah, I'll say uh I don't know. I kind of want to say dick with a hero mustache, but I'll just say hero.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

Ah, who do you hear? Number two.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

You do. You keep going.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Well, it was Dolly.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

Okay. So we've already covered him. Still a hero, still a great mustache.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Nitschke. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

I guess I don't know his mustache.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Oh my god, it was like a dead beaver on his lips.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

Is it?

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Does he need a trimming?

SPEAKER_00 31:42

It was pretty bad.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Okay. I don't know enough about him to make a call. Um just by that description, though.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

He was heroic in literature and thought and philosophy, but got some of it when you read it. Makes you think he's kind of a dick. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Lighten up. It's not that serious, dude.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

Light up.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Pessimistic.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

He was very he's gonna, he was definitely half half empty.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

A dick with a kind of a dickish mustache, too. Or a beaverish mustache. A beaver. Okay, I better stop. All right.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

What uh what's your number four?

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Ron Burgundy.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Oh, Ron Burgundy, yeah. He's got a great mustache, too. Anchorman.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Never mind. Different Ron I was thinking of.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

Oh, I know who you're thinking of, Ron from Parks and Rec. Swanson. Ron Swanson. Nick Offerman. Again.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Great, great mustache. He was on my extended list, Nick Offerman.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

I should think about him. So what are we saying about Ron? Ron Burgundy. He's a clueless dick. What do you say, Jenna?

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Is he from um Anchorman?

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Anchorman, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

Oh, okay. I don't know. I guess doof a stick.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Doofus stick. I like it. All right. Alright. And your last one is?

SPEAKER_00 32:57

It's a Pedro. Pedro. From Napoleon Dynamite.

unknown 33:00

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Efron Ramirez.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

He worked so hard for that, so I'm going to say hero. Hero.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

Which Pedro are we talking about?

SPEAKER_00 33:07

From Napoleon Dynamite.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

Oh, yes. Always. He's got my vote.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

Yeah. Hero. Okay. So I'm going to zip through mine. Well, I can't believe you guys didn't say this. And maybe because it was so damn obvious, but Tom Selleck. Oh, yeah. And he can be a hero if you are a woman over the age of 70, because I know my mom and all her uh friends love loved him. They want to take a ride in the red. Okay, let's stop there. Well mustache arrived with Tom Selleck, everybody. It's a family show. I'm sorry. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 33:45

So it looks like I'm here and it's like the grossest one ever.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

It is. It's getting very graphic, so we gotta get out of there.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

So it was you guys were gonna censor yourself because of me button.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

We were not welcome. I'll try to edit. So um I'm gonna say just for his television appearances alone, a hero. Tom Selleck. What say you, Jenna?

SPEAKER_02 34:09

I don't know. I don't really like have an opinion on him. I guess he's fine. If I had to pick between like him and Burt Reynolds, I'd probably have a beer with Burt Reynolds, though.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

Oh, you know, I didn't even have Bert on my list. What's wrong with me?

SPEAKER_00 34:20

I didn't put him on my list because I thought someone would pick him up.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

Yeah, he's a famous mustache.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

I'll say Selleck is uh a hero. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

I'll abstain from this vote.

unknown 34:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Pass. I'm gonna say two and three together. And they are Kurt Russell and Sam Elliott. Oh, Tombstone. And let's say the whole cast of Tombstone, which we affectionately call at our house, the mustache movie.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

That is a great movie.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

It is a great movie if you like mustaches. Even if you don't like mustaches.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

And I'm coming with them.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

So I'm gonna say hero for both Kurt Russell and Sam Elliott. Come on. Sam Elliott just has to appear on screen and you go, that guy's a hero. He's a badass. He is. So it's Kurt Russell. Yeah, he is.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

I mean, I always associate him with like ground beef, so I guess he's got my vote for hero.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Beef. That's what's for dinner. That's what's for dinner. I'm fine with that, Sam.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Okay. What do you say?

SPEAKER_03 35:16

What is your verdict on Tombstone Hero?

SPEAKER_00 35:19

Oh, double hero. Double hero. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Alright, and my last one, I had uh a few to choose from. One was Hitler, but I don't want to talk about him. He's a dick. As far as I know. Uh another one was Groucho, who I really like. Yeah. And I think he's a hero. But the mustache I love the most is Alex Trebek.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Yeah. R.I.P.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

Yes. R.I.P. Alex Trebek with your wonderful Canadian mustache. All right. We all agree that he's a hero. Thanks, Jenna, for joining us today and for having such a great idea on the mustaches. Keep your keep your ideas coming.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Yeah, thanks.

SPEAKER_03 36:02

I would love to join again.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Well, thanks for actually listening.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

Thanks for listening to you. We appreciate it. We appreciate it. All right. I will talk to you later.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

All right. See y'all.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

Okay. Thanks, Jana. Love you. Bye. Bye. We should do that more often. Yeah, that was fun. Well, she had a great idea. Amarella. His mom. Yeah. All right. So we'll see you all next time.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

Yeah. Thanks for uh tuning in.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

See you, Jason Bateman.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

See ya, buddy.